Oh...

Hello.

I guess my last post was right before leaving for Nationals...

Well, today was my first day of school

Hehe  

• Before Jumping into what happened during my summer, I must say a few things about Alabama...
  -Fried Catfish is amazing
  -Swing and ballroom dancing for four hours with a bunch of debaters is amazing (and should seriously be a more common occurence )
  -Philip and Stefan are amazing
  -Ice cream sandwiches are amazing
  -And I just got a memo reminding me that nationals was the highest level of competition.
  
  (Just kidding)
  
  Moving on...
  
• The weekend after Alabama, we left again for Eureka. There I took the CHSPE and then went to an outdoor gospel concert that my dad played in. Eureka was...different. Admittedly, it was more of a culture shock than Alabama--but I won't get into detail in case anyone from Eureka reads this. For you people, I think you're all wonderful people with great taste...
  
  (For my real opinion, talk to me in person sometime.)
  
• Once we returned from Eureka, I stated to my family I did not want to stay in any more hotels or travel any more until August. So the rest of summer was made up of spontaneous activities such as Tightwad Tuesdays with Trujillos and Board Game Days. Summer 2007 Matt and I went to see a movie every Tuesday, and this year we opened up a facebook group inviting friends to join us. We saw 11 different movies in theaters, two of them twice, and will be seeing our last one tomorrow. Afterwards we'd have dinner at Mr. Pickles, our new favorite sandwich shop .
  
  Thanks to the Vineyard Dutchman, we haven't needed to declare bankruptcy.
  
• For the entire month of July, I became a vegetarian. I'd read something online about health benefits, but I'd have to say the primary reason I did it was for the heck of it. Aside from what seemed to be a slight gain of weight, it didn't do much for me. I had less frequent stomach problems, but come August I was eating meat and getting stares from Larry the Lunchcow* once again. It was strangely satisfying to tell people "I'm a vegetarian" but probably not as satisfying as a good steak.
  
  But to be honest, tofu really isn't all that bad. 
  
• This last weekend was a perfect end to summer. Matt's last board game day before he leaves for college was on Friday, a card game night with old friends on Saturday (and thus the birth of the "soda time sorority" ) and a fabulous production of The Merchant of Venice on Sunday (where I knew a good number of the cast members, and even more audience members )
  Now that I take the time to look back, I realize that this summer has been quite an interesting journey.  I've seen friends graduate, seen others get married, and even some pass away. I've seen plans for the rest of my life begin to fall into place yet still had spontaneous adventures that have no plan, design or even sometimes purpose. I've learned how to love and appreciate people deeper, laugh harder, share my own thoughts and feelings and listen quietly to others as they spill their thoughts. My eyes have been opened to many of my own flaws, weaknesses, and personality defects - and I'm starting to learn how to either triumph over them or reconcile with them (as opposed to drowning in them, which is my tendency). I'm learning how to lose people I love without falling apart, and reach out to others without holding back. I'm still in the learning process for all of these, but I look forward to where each road and lesson takes me.
  
• Matt's leaving for college in two days
  
• Today I went back to school at the JC. I wasn't sure if I was quite ready for school to start after such a long and wonderful summer but today I was blessed in feeling complete comfort, happiness and a total peace.
  I have great classes at the JC. My debate/speech club has 41 students, most of them new and almost all enthusiastic. And I get to work with and coach them all year .  I already know that this semester is going to be fantastic and God's going to take me to new levels of growth. 
  
  Summer was great, but...
  
  Why should the adventure stop there?
  
  Until next time,
  
  ~*Hol

* Larry the Lunchcow is a little rubber cow that sits on our dining room table and stares at you if you're eating beef or something of that nature. I narrate Larry's thoughts to the rest of my family, much to my parent's chagrin.

Hi...

It's been a while...

Touche (Santa Rosa)

• God blessed Tim and I in allowing us to make it to nationals in our duo. (Squee!)
• Watching the lil Toucheans at their first speech tournament was so fun I love the novices, they're my kiddos =)
• Swing dancing!!!  
• Meeting new people by singing broadway musical numbers (great way to make friends!)
• Cows...^_^ Need I say more?
• Introducing the 'awkward turtle' to my friends ^_^
• "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine!"
• Getting interviewed by the Press Democrat =D Squee!
• Anthony becoming Ironman. Yay!
  
  Biola
• Debating against some super awesome opponents (Jorgen, Ryan, Trevor, Kate, and Chad)
• Watching LDers band together and help each other out during outrounds. The team spirit was inspiring.
• Deferring from outrounds = best feeling ever. You get your name announced in breaks, but you don't have to do anything about it 
• Steven and Teddy qualifying in LD...awesome!!! Even though I am now the only girl on LD team CA...I'm still elated that those two deserving gentlemen got the last two slots.
• Kate and I trying to get to our round...wow. We're still mad at you, Aaron Krive. ^_^
• Seeing my old debate partner after nearly two years. Even though we only saw each other for about ten minutes, it was still special =)
• Finally making people cry in DI...That was a treat after I stopped feeling bad about it ^_^
• Being 8th in my persuasive finals room...and waiting over an hour with Joseph Mollath in that building for my turn. (Thanks for waiting with me and sharing the iPod ^_^)
• The tournament that ran four hours late and got out at 1 in the morning...not one any of us are likely to forget...
• Getting 4th and being one place away in persuasive. I wish it had qualled, but it still felt pretty good...since it was my first platform ^_^
• "TOHOT...LD must be really fun!"  Wow.
• Writing stories about extemp carts on the way home...
• Nic becoming Ironman. Yay!
  

CHAT State Championship

• Fresh Choice on Friday night...good times!
• I officially nominate the CHAT tournament for most awesome impromptu topics ^_^ I've been waiting years for somebody to do demotivators!! (Apples to Apples cards and 'things mom would say' were clever too...The faces in finals were pretty out there...but I didn't break, so I'm not complaining ^_^)
• Crocs (AKA "Kate Shoes") = amazing
• Watching Craig 'beat up' Annabelle.
• Running down the stairs singing broadway. And thusly making Kate laugh so hard she cried
• Egyptian war with speechers (namely...Jamie Silva ) = bad if you value your hands.
• I want to know why there are no Chipotles around here...it's the most amazing Mexican restaurant ever
• "Yeah..well...he's a good looking pug dog."
• Being in 'the wings' when they announced that all duo finalists were going to nationals.  Yay for hugs and happy tears and jumping up and down. Even though you guys realize you're doing this...because you get to go to...Alabama....
• Yes, I was a little disappointed that persuasive and DI didn't make it past semis...but...God is in control, and both of those speeches did a lot better than I expected they would this year. I still consider myself incredibly blessed
• "You guys are doing a funny piece right?"
  "Yeah"
  "Yeah, I can't see Holly doing something intense..."
  "Yeah...which is probably why my DI didn't make it past semis"
  "You're doing DI?!"  
• Teddy becoming Ironman. Yay!

What a fantastic year. I've met so many new and wonderful people and shared a whole lot of great memories with all of them. I think something I've learned in the past month is how much I really do love people. I felt pain when I saw them suffer and felt immense joy as they celebrated their victories. I felt sick when I watched distressed friends miss out on qualifying by one slot at Biola and actually cried tears of happiness when they finally succeeded at CHAT. And this principle hasn't only applied to tournaments...I'm beginning to experience it in all areas of my life that include people.

So I guess this means I am emotional...

Drat.

^_^

See you in Alabama

~*Hol

(Pictures of the tournaments are on facebook)

Something's wrong with me.

It seemed as if I was able to find unspeakable joy running around the beach, climbing everything there was to climb: leaving a criss crossed array of footprints on the sand...Yet the greatest part was that there was nobody there. The private beach I visited was accessible by a narrow unguarded path followed by sheer cliff, and only yours truly felt like braving the trail to get to it today. It felt great to be in such place that spoke of God's creation all by myself.  

All by myself...

But when there were people around...for instance, in the car on the way to and from the beach, or even just at home, I felt isolated and introverted. Perhaps even a little irritable.

I felt like I'd failed at something somehow, and didn't want other people around to judge my error. Perhaps I unintentionally hurt someone last week and now I'm feeling the regrets. But why? Perhaps someone thinks I'm obnoxious, naive or irritating...Or is that just my imagination? Maybe it was just an assignment that got in late, and my mother is now mad at me. But...ok...no question there. Most of all, I felt like spirit and soul just dropped dead, and nobody was around to really care. The people I wish to see the most are the people who are furthest away. 

 For pretty much the rest of the day I felt like I had done something unforgivable, but I didn't know what. I felt like someone resented my existence, but I didn't know who. I felt like I had failed...but I didn't know why. The only peace I could find was being alone on a beach where nobody would follow me. Where nobody could follow me. Where I could feel the presence of God in my own private sanctuary. 
And yet once other people in my life appeared, I suddenly felt alone and unresponsive.

Weird huh?

I feel like the social butterfly/comedian/energetic part of me got killed by a guilt and regret of some sort that I can't even explain.

I feel bad even posting this because I run the risk of some of you hating me for boring you to death.

See? I think I've gone insane.

Which is interesting, because I figured insanity felt rather different than this...

Perhaps it's temporary...

Prayers would be appreciated anyhow.

~*Hol